choke (2008)

choke is a movie that tells you its ok to be a sex addict when in reality, you need to get some help. don't even try to give in this film because it based off a book by the guy who did fight club. bland storyline, mediocre acting, and a pretentious soundtrack. that is everything i do not like in a flim.

2.5 OUT OF 10

drag me to hell (2009)

once is a great while, there is a decent horror film that comes out. i'm sick of these remakes and annoying series that never seem to end (ex. SAW). drag me to hell is a good original horror film with a simple plot. christine is a loan officer with a cool boyfriend named clay. life is going pretty chill when an old lady comes in asking about an extension on her home loan. she could either give the old lady a break or impress her boss and kick her out. she ends up telling her she cannot help her out. christine is thinking oh yea im hot shit no one can touch me when suddenly the old lady comes out of nowhere and places a curse on christine. she had it coming. the rest of the movie deals with her life turning into a living nightmare. its a very interesting movie but i think sam riami could have done better. oh well.

6 OUT OF 10

this is england (2006)

this is england is a film about a 12 year old named shaun, who has a hard time fitting in at school and is always picked on. he meets a group of non-racist skinheads who let him hang out and join the group. they shave his head and give him some cool clothes to wear. things being to change when combo, a racist skinhead, joins the group again after being let out from prison. combo has ideas to change the group to be racist and shit and most of the guys are not diggin it. shaun likes his ideas so he joins him and they go to a white nationalist meeting. the rest of the film shows shaun's life with combo and the consequences that comes with it. i thought this film was brilliant. the storyline and the acting is very realistic.

8 OUT OF 10

a history of violence (2005)

a history of violence is a film that is not about a history of violence. the title may seem like you're going to a watch a documentary about violence but its not. WAY TO GO DAVID CRONENBERG.

tom stall (viggo mortenson) works at a diner and one day these two guys walk in wanting to kill him but tom is like ok fuck you and out of nowhere tom kicks one of the guys, gets his gun, and shoots both of them. one guy gets shot in the face. its very intense. tom becomes a local hero in his town and his kids and his wife are totally stoked about it.

one day, a mobster guy walks in claiming that tom's name is joey cusack. i laughed at the thought he was john cusack's brother. so tom is like yeah ok fuck you get out of my diner so they leave. the mobsters keep stalking his family a lot but eventually they have this showdown at tom's place and tom and his son kill them. it was pretty cool. SPOILER ALERT tom tells his wife that he was a killer back in the day and his real name is joey. she gets upset and they get in a fight then they start having rough sex on the stairs. it was kinda weird. it was very unexpected. the rest of the film shows joey kicking more ass with some mobsters from his past.

overall the film was decent. the first 10 minutes tom is going down on his wife. that was weird too. with a quick google search you can find that scene.
6.5 OUT OF 10

disco pigs (2001)

disco pigs is about a pig and runt (its not their real names) who were born on the same day have this weird connection with each other. they constantly do the same things like steal liquor and fuck around with people at school. before their 17th birthday, pig starts to be all sexually frustrated and he just wants to fuck runt. runt doesn't like it at all so she leaves him. pig starts freaking out so he goes out of his way trying to find runt to celebrate their birthday. most of the movie deals with their relationship and how they cannot separate from each other. its a very interesting film. if you ever watch this movie, make sure you have the subtitles on. the irish dialogue is sort of hard to follow.

7 OUT OF 10

fucked up film: straw dogs (1971)

the only film that makes dustin hoffman a huge pussy and a badass motherfucker is straw dogs. straw dogs is about a mathematician named david (dustin hoffman)and his english wife amy move into a nice village to seek a new life. they hire construction workers to work on the garage and they're huge assholes to david. they ask david if he wants to go hunting for quail (i think it was quail) so he agrees to go. meanwhile, his wife amy is getting raped by one of the guys who helps on the garage then another guy comes in and rapes her too. i think the director was trying to make the greatest rape scene of all time. amy doesnt tell david about what happened. she clearly cannot get over it.

at one point of the film, some guy named henry, touches some lady, then david hits henry with his car. now henry is at david's place and everyone wants to kill henry by getting in david's house. SPOILER ALERT so the rest of the film shows david killing every local that tries to get into his house. its very intense.

overall straw dogs was pretty good. it can be boring at some points but it really builds up towards the end.

FUCKED UP RATING: 6.5 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 7 OUT OF 10


there is a remake coming out in 2011. please don't see it. i looked on imdb and its coming out on september 11th. that is not cool.

synecdoche, new york (2008)

this movie sucked dick. philip seymour hoffman's dick. who has the attention span to watch a depressed fat ass waddle around talking about theater and art? NOT ME.

2 OUT OF 10

28 days later (2002)

28 days later starts off in a top secret british lab that has monkeys stored. they have a virus called "rage". a bunch of dumbass animal activists release them and they get infected. 28 days later, the disease spreads in london. a man named jim, played by cillian murphy, wakes up in a coma and is confused as fuck of what is going on. london is completely empty. he ends up finding a black girl and some white guy who save him from an infected. the infected are zombies in case if you were wondering..but they're different then most zombies. they are fast as fuck. anyway jim and the black girl (the white guy dies just to let you know) find a family (a daughter and a father) chillen in their apartment. the rest of the movie shows them trying to stay alive. they end up going to manchester where soliders "try" to help them.

i'm not going to say what happens next but its a good fucking film. it will creep you out.

8 OUT OF 10

you don't know jack (2010)

you don't know jack is an hbo movie about dr. jack kevorkian. oh jack, what a cool old fella. if you don't know him he was famous for assisting suicides for patients that were willing to die because they were in so much pain and they were just a waste of space. is that mean? i think i went to far on that one. anyway jack was played by al pacino and he was great as usual. most of the movie shows him on trial for what he did. apparently he assisted 130 patients. it was a pretty sad movie cause there was some people you just felt bad for. this one guy could barely move a muscle and it took him ages to talk in a sentence. overall this movie was pretty interesting. if you have hbo, check it out.

6 OUT OF 10

reservoir dogs (1992)

reservoir dogs is one of the coolest films i've ever seen. it starts out with a bunch of guys in suits at a restaurant arguing over the song "like a virgin". then they yell at steve buscemi for not giving a tip to the waitress. he says that they don't deserve one or some shit like that. what an ass. sadly there are many people out there who don't tip. the rest of the movie shows the guys after a heist that went wrong. they just panic about who set them up. it is a very interesting film with great acting. SPOILER ALERT i was very upset when tim roth died. he is a cool motherfucker. i'm glad everyone else died. oh and mr. pink stays alive. that was nice.

the picture up from top is a scene when tim roth talks to himself in front of the mirror and says, “don’t pussy out on me now. they don’t know. they don’t know shit. you’re not gonna get hurt. you’re fucking barretta. they believe every fucking word cause you’re super cool.”

8 OUT OF 10

rapture (1980)

rapture starts off with a guy named, jose, a film maker and a heroin addict who seems pretty lost with his life. he gets a package from a guy named pedro that contains key, a reel of super8 film, and an audio cassette. jose sits down and listens to the tape and it retells the story when pedro and jose first met. pedro is obsessed with film. it keeps him from sleeping, eating, and having sex for a long time. the only thing that keeps him going is heroin. when he watches his own films, he has "raptures" that makes him cry and freak out. him and jose sort of become bffs in a way. most of the film it shows pedros life as he realizes when he sleeps, the camera films him. when he developes the film, it shows his raptures. it also makes people disappear. i know its pretty fucking weird. i could go on explaining the rest of the film but i would bore myself and others.

look its pedro and jose bonding with silly putty

overall this film was very interesting. rapture is both an experimental film and a horror if you could say. its like that book naked lunch. you never know what the fuck is going on.

6.5 OUT OF 10