hot fuzz (2007)

this movie was good because it is exactly like shaun of the dead but nothing like it at all. only the fat guy plays the same ... fat guy, the skinny pathetic guy with a sense of responsibility plays a badass overdetermined cop. he did a very good job with the two roles i was very impressed. the fat guy sucked. anyway this movie drew on bad boys 2 and point blank rather heavily which is funny considering it is a british police dramedy. (comedy+drama get it?) at least, it starts out british and then turns really american near the end with all the shooting, police chases, death, etc. theres a lot of gore (including old ladies getting kicked in the face). makes it real cool

RATING: 8 OUT OF 10

glue (2006)

glue was a mess. no pun intended. whoever directed this tried way too fucking hard to be like harmony korine w/ grainy effects and somewhat of a cool soundtrack. a lot of violent femmes songs. the only movie that deserves to have violent femmes songs is rocket science. check that one out its pretty funny. anyway the main character was really unlikeable. im getting sick of these plots where a teenager is having a hard time to get laid. might as well get michael cera to star in it. also the dialogue was boring. i don't recommend anyone to watch this "film". i used quotations around film to show it does not deserve to be called a film.

2 OUT OF 10

nosferatu: phantom of the night (1979)

this is the first werner herzog film i have ever watched and it won't be my last. nosferatu is a wonderful and beautiful film that tells the story of guy named jonathan, an estate agent, who is told to go to dracula's castle out in transylvania cause he wants to buy property in vismar. it takes jon like 4 weeks to get there so hes pretty fucking hungry when he gets to dracula's place. dracula watches him eat his food and he starts breathing heavily. it kinda creeped me out. reminds me when i was in study hall and a creepy substitute was staring at me when i was doing homework. anyway, dracula sucked him off (not that way) and jon gets all weird and paranoid and wants to leave the castle. but dracula leaves to go find jon's wife lucy.

lucy is very scared for jon jons health. she believes that something terrible will happen and she was right. dracula wants to suck her neck and she wont do it. only for her man. typical. meanwhile jon jon is getting sick and pale. SPOILER ALERT one night, dracula sucks lucys neck till dawn and he freaks out in the daylight. then van helsing comes out of nowhere and kills him. jon jon turns into dracula because he has no one to love.

this movie really touched my heart. i always thought dracula was some crazy guy who loves blood but he just wants some love from a pretty girl with a nice neck.

7.5 OUT OF 10

quadrophenia (1979)

when i was younger, i thought the mod scene was like the coolest thing ever. everyone in england drove scooters, wore cool clothes, and listened to the who. this movie tried so hard to capture the scene but failed due to a pointless storyline and mediocre acting. i guess the message of the film was the scene was pointless? i'm not sure. the main guy tried too hard to be a mod. i was bored within the first 20 minutes of the film and THOUGHT (THANKS TO THE ASSHOLE WHO CORRECTED MY GRAMMAR MISTAKE) about leaving the house... the only way anyone will enjoy this film if they love anything related to the who and are obsessed with the 60s.

5 OUT OF 10

fucked up film: bully (2001)

most films nowadays never leave me in shock. this one did it for me. larry clark's bully tells the story of a group of drugged up sex crazed friends planning to kill their "friend" bobby kent. marty, bobby's close friend, comes up with the idea to take revenge on what bobby did to his girlfriend lisa. bobby raped lisa and got her pregnant. to get to the point, marty and his friends hire a hitman to help out with their revenge. before the killing, they're contemplating the aftermath of it. but after their deed is done, they're terrified of their future.

even though bobby is shown as an enemy of the film, his death was not revenge. it was pure jealousy. most of the friends don't give a fuck about school and life. they just enjoy having sex, driving fast cars, and doing drugs. bobby on the other hand, he's ready for college. the friends don't have what bobby has. the misconception of this film is that its unrealistic. i don't think it is at all. i know kids who act like this. these kids are not white trash. their parents are wealthy.

overall, this film was fucking brilliant. it would be lazy for me to say its like clark's first film kids. kids was a very shocking film but bully hit me more emotionally only because it is a true story.

FUCKED UP RATING: 9 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 8 OUT OF 10

american history x (1998)

whos idea was it to cast edward norton as a tough ass neo nazi? he is so cute and nice it just becomes ridiculously gay when he acts tough. he does a good job, i guess, as a good a job as a nancy like him could do. edward furlong was brilliant though. good movie, too much talk though, and the message was heeped on for half the movie. the prison section was brilliantly done and actually felt like a sabbatical or a flashback rather than just part of the story. stood out on its own and all that. still, nortons a pussy.

7 OUT OF 10

fucked up film (kinda): elephant (1989)

this isnt any of that pussy ass pseudo columbine school shooting BULLSHIT MOTHERFUCKER. THIS IS ABOUT THE IRA. THIS IS ABOUT IRELAND. GEORGE BEST PROBABLY HEARD OF THIS FROM SOME ASSHOLE AND WENT BACK TO BANGING BROADS AND PLAYING FOOTBALL AFTER DISREGARDING HIS NATIONALIST BULLSHIT.

all this is is alan clarke filming, dick in hand, like 500 random murders. i think theres like 2 seconds of dialogue the entire film and everyone is dressed like the smiths. that was the most interesting part. oh, and in one scene, some guys are playing football and then a guy pulls out a gun after making a pass and shoots one of the other guys. thats what i want to do everytime someone misses my pass in xbox. (FUCK YOU CHELSEA, I FUCKING HATE YOU ASSHOLES FOR BEATING MY BEAUTIFUL CELTIC)

this isnt really a fucked up film, it started out that way but it was so boring the death for no reason (a comment on the senseless IRA killings. NICE JOB AT BEING INDIE-ABSTRACT ALAN CLARKE, YOU ASSHOLE) shit didn't seem so disturbing anymore. alan clarke is lucky he made cool skinhead films.

<3 CELTIC FC 4 LIFE <3

FUCKED UP RATING: 1 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: .5 OUT OF 10

fucked up film: oldboy (2003)

everyone on the internet has heard of this movie by now cause of that whatever-cho guy that shot up virginia tech. people said he watched this and it spurred him to do bad things but i really don't see how that works out, plus they did some research into it (aka they snooped around his computer) and said theres no proof he saw it. i got this off wikipedia so who knows if its true eh??????? in fact, one could say i read it on the internet

anyway its about some guy who gets imprisoned for 15 years cause he "talks too much" and then does a bunch of research and finds out who killed him and bangs this INSANLY ADORABLE korean broad in the meantime. theres a scene where a guy gets all his teeth pulled out with the back end of a hammer, but he gets some SICK gold fronts put in so i guess it all works out in the end??????

oh yea and the guy eats a raw, living octupus and conks out. pussy ass BITCH

FUCKED UP RATING: 8 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 8 OUT OF 10

inception (2010)

i dont know where to start about this film. first off, it was good. not amazing. my opinion is incredibly biased just because i cannot stand leonardo and ellen page. fucking hell why would you get those two in one film? the story is far too complex for me to write out but if you see it, you really have to pay attention to what is going on. i feel like christopher nolan is turning into david fincher. hes making big budget films with overrated actors. im getting sick of that. they really don't do anything for me.

5 OUT OF 10

shaun of the dead (2004)

it was ok. not great. the thing with comedies, i don't really know how to say if its funny or not. we all have a different taste in humor. most american's laugh at slapstick but the british love their dry humor. shaun of the dead was a mix of the two but i didn't really laugh out loud at most of the jokes. would i ever watch the movie again? of course. it amused me. the storyline could have been better. the town is infested with zombies and shaun's idea is to just go to the pub. its the most stereotypical thing a british man would do.

6.5 OUT OF 10

wonder showzen

(CLICK PHOTO TO VIEW THE VIDEO)

fuck the hills. fuck jersey shore. fuck teen mom. wonder showzen was the best mtv show ever created. technically its an MTV2 show but holy fuck why did they have to cancel it?

deep end (1970)

deep end is about a 15 year old named mike who gets a job at bath house. he falls in love with a girl who trains him, named susan. she is a WHORE. she has a fiance, whos a dick, and she cheats on him with a swim coach, whos another dick. she basically loves dicks. no pun intended. mike becomes very obsessed with her and hes willing to do anything to stop her whore-ness. i think its a good film that shows the frustrations of being a teenager. if yknowwhatimean.

7.5 OUT OF 10

blow up (1966)

movies about photographers are not exciting. NOT AT ALL. THERE WAS NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUT THIS MOVIE. CAPS LOCK.

2.5 OUT OF 10

scott walker: 30 century man (2006)

30 century man is a documentary where everyone sucks scott walker's dick. a review in pictures...

scott: "sorry i dont give a fuck about money. im an artist. i want people to get on their knees when i sing."

scott cont: "i'm a pretty boy can't you see? that girl behind me, wants my dick. like everyone else does."

damon albarn: "oh yes i love scott walker. i would fuck his voice if i could. this song makes me want to write an album about a plastic beach. thanks for the inspiration scott."

scott cont: "yeah so what scott 4 didn't hit the charts. stop fucking asking me for scott 5. ill continue to make avant garde records for indie kids."
jarvis cocker: "yeah scott walker is what i listened to when i was sick in bed. my input is too boring for this movie. time for a cigarette and no im not going to reform pulp."

radiohead: "as you noticed thom is not here thank fucking god for that. he never shuts the fuck up about scott walker. don't mind us we're just going to pretend we're listening to his record."

johnny marr: "as you may know im the cool one out of this documentary. all these indie 90s britpop guys dont know shit. im the real deal. first off, scott's voice makes me want to suck his dick. and i know you were going to ask. the smiths will never reform. my time here is done i need to catch the bus to the cribs band practice."

6 OUT OF 10

meeting people is easy (1998)

"music to cut your wrists to"

meeting people is easy is a documentary of radiohead on tour during the ok computer era. its bascially a collage of clips of them in a shit load of interviews, promotional footage, shows, songwriting etc. it really shows the tension and the stress of touring and being one of the biggest bands of the 90s. a lot of people say this film is boring cause it doesnt show a lot of live performances mainly just their experiences on tour.

there is a lot of parts where you see how much of a miserable person thom is. he gets yelled at by a bouncer that says "RADIOHEAD. CREEP. DICKHEAD" because thom was trying to get into a party and he wasnt on the guest list. other parts of the movie shows him with disgust talking in interviews and having all the attention of being in a band.

8 OUT OF 10

predators (2010)

on friday, i walked into the theater with no idea what the movie was about. never watched the trailer. never seen any of the predator films etc. but this was sooo good. it starts off with adrien brody (the guy with the big nose from the pianist and king kong) in the sky free falling into a jungle. then more random people drop in confused as fuck of what is going on. pretty soon they realize theyre trapped on a different planet and they are tested by being attacked by predators and weird looking creatures. its a lot like "the most dangerous game".

not once was the film boring. the storyline was really good the music was not distracting at all. even the acting was very good especially TOPHER GRACE. i hate most big budget action films but this one was great.


8 OUT OF 10

2001: a space odyssey (1968)

DUN DUNN DUNN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN

DAAAAH DAAAAAH DDUUUUN DDDDDDUUUN DDDDDDUNNNNNNNNNN


i watched for 20 minutes and then i got bored.

fucked up film: irreversible (2002)

IM NOT POSTING A PICTURE.

9 minute rape scene. go fuck yourself gaspar noe.

FUCKED UP RATING: 10 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 1.5 OUT OF 10


UPDATE: MARCH 6, 2011 1:13AM

so i decided to give this movie a second chance. i didn't finish it at the last time but it's one of movies that will stay in your head forever.

NEW RATING: 7 OUT OF 10

hot tub time machine (2010)

it is not very funny. the dvd said it was better than the hangover. it WAS NOT. what a shit way to advertise a film. that would be like the hangover saying ITS BETTER THAN THE SHAW SHANK REDEMPTION.

3 OUT OF 10

youth in revolt (2009)

michael cera being awkward and falls in love with a girl whos too good for him. THE END.

4 OUT OF 10