submarine (2010)

submarine is about a boy named oliver tate who is a bit of a dork and socially alienated. he falls in love with a girl named jordana. to win her over, he teases an overweight girl to impress jordana cause she's a bit of a cunt. they end up becoming a couple while oliver's parents are having relationship problems. his mom's ex boyfriend graham moves next door who's into weird new age shit. oliver keeps an eye on graham to see if he will make a move on his mom. it's pretty much a coming of age movie. i really enjoyed it. the soundtrack is incredible as well thanks to alex turner.

7 OUT OF 10

jane eyre (2011)

apparently there's been like 373598475 versions of jane eyre and i'm quite surprised because it's kind of a boring story. this is going to be my laziest review ever so here it goes. it's about a girl who gets shipped off to boarding school because her aunt is a bitch. the all girl boarding school is run by these dickheads who punish her for dumb stuff. she eventually gets out of there and starts working as a governess at this place run by the lady from james bond and mr. rochester who is played by michael fassbender (i only watched this movie because of him hehaheheahehe)

mr. rochester is kind of an ass but he starts coming on to her and they fall in love. jane finds out that he is married to some crazy lady who lives in an asylum. blahb lahblah a bunch of shit happens to her like she gets all this money from her dead uncle and mr. rochester is still in love with her so they live happily together amen.

5 OUT OF 10

the tree of life (2011)

for a while, i was very skeptical about watching this movie. i thought it would be some avant garde shit and we'd be staring at a tree for like 2 hours. but thank god it wasn't. i don't even know how to explain this movie but basically it's about the origins and the meaning of life. it focuses on the memories of a family living in the 50s. the family features some broad, brad pitt, and his non-adopted children (good for him). he's a major dick to his kids especially to his son jack. in the present day, jack seems to be a bit depressed. he sees a tree being planting outside of his workplace which reminds him of his past.

it's an experimental movie with a nonlinear storyline. it can be a little hard to focus at times but it's definitely a film to experience at least once. i could see myself watching it a few more times in the future.

7.5 OUT OF 10

fucked up film: we need to talk about kevin (2011)

i'm usually not the type of person who enjoys hyped-the-fuck-out movies. i remember dragging my dad to see inception with me in theaters and i hated it so much. my dad was like, "WHY DIDN'T YOU LIKE IT?? YOU WANTED TO SEE IT!" and i was like, "well it got really good reviews and all of my friends liked so i thought i would too..". after that i realized how other people's opinions are kinda shit unless you go out and see it for yourself.

we need to talk about kevin has been getting pretty nice reviews which is great. but was it the reason why i wanted to watch it? fuck naw. the first time i watched the trailer my jaw instantly dropped. it's a story about a mother played by tilda swinton who is trying to get her life back together after her son went on a high school killing spree. she feels responsible for her son's actions but personally i felt that kevin was the spawn of satan. the events in the film are shown out of chronologically order which can be slightly confusing at points but it all makes sense towards the end which by the way is breathtaking.

this movie is definitely fucked up too. oh fo fucking sho. one scene shows kevin jacking off and his mom accidentally opens the door and he looks at her all angry and continues on. there's also a few sex scenes featuring dr. steve brule and i'm just going to leave it at that.

FUCKING UP RATING: 8 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 9 OUT OF 10

fucked up film: martha marcy may marlene (2011)

(don't worry yall she wasn't killing anyone in that scene above)
martha marcy may marlene is about a girl named martha who escapes a cult that is kind of manson-esque. she calls her older sister lucy from a payphone and she picks her up and takes martha to her awesome lake house with her hot british boyfriend who supports chelsea fc. martha has been away for two years so she's been under a lot of shit. she keeps having flashbacks about the cult and lucy and her boyfriend ted are always like "what the fuck is wrong with you martha?" constantly. martha never tells them about the cult and makes it seem like she was just in a bad relationship. martha is super paranoid that the cult members are out looking for her. i'm not going to ruin the story for anyone but its a decent movie. there's like two rape scenes or so. that's why i declare it a fucked up film.

a lot of people say oh this is so chilling and nerve wrecking but i didn't feel that way throughout until like the last five minutes. i guess i've just seen too many fucked up films...

FUCKED UP RATING: 6 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 6.5 OUT OF 10

the social network (2010)

if it wasn't for film class, i would have never bothered watching this movie. first off, is it necessary to make a movie about facebook? i don't think so but for some people *cough* david fincher *cough* think its important to know how facebook started.

i'm sure we all know the song and dance by now. mark zuckerberg steals an idea from these inbred twins and takes it to a new level with a help from his best friend, eduardo. they basically started facebook so they could get laid. the one thing that bothered me a lot was i did not think zuckerberg was a likable guy. he acted like such a dick. i felt bad for eduardo cause mark screwed him over by not giving him credit. bastard.

now you probably don't know this but the movie is very very inaccurate. check out the 60 minutes story about facebook and the real zuckerberg explains half the shit in the film isn't even true. that's hollywood for you.

5.5 OUT OF 10

fucked up film: black swan (2010)

y'know i'm not really into these "HYPED OUT TO THE MAX" films as much as kids these days but i quite enjoyed black swan. i remember my math teacher telling my class to not see this because its really weird and it'll scare you. well i don't think it was very scary but it had its moments. plus it was pretty weird and SEXY hence why this this labeled fucked up film.

anyway, black swan is a film about a girl named nina played by natalie portman who is this great ballerina that is a bit of a pussy. she wants to be the swan queen for this world class ballet company runned by thomas who was in all of those ocean's 11 films. y'know the french guy. there are a lot of moments in this film you're like uhhh what the fuck is going on here like when thomas tells her "I HAVE HOMEWORK FOR YOU..YOU NEED TO START TOUCHING YOURSELF" so there is a couple scenes of her wanking in bed. it's not like explicit or anything. not pornographic. it's pretty normal but there is a scene where a girl goes down on her.

i can't really say much about the plot since it would ruin it if you reallly want to see it. i only spoil films that are old but SPOILER ALERT she dies at the end WHOOPS

FUCKED UP RATING: 5.7 OUT OF 10
OVERALL: 7 OUT OF 10

exit through the gift shop (2010)

exit through a gift shop is a documentary about theirry guetta and his obsession with street art. some people say the docuemtnary is all fake and theirry guetta was created by banksy. that could be the case since theirry has this borat vibe to him. the movie captures a lot of footage of street artists at night spraying painting or wheatpasting. i don't want to spoil the plot but if you're interested in street art you must check out this documentary.

6.5 OUT OF 10

oddsac (2010)

a bit artsy for my taste. i liked the music. the visuals were pretty out there. wish there was some acting in it. i wanted to see deakin talk or something. oh well.

6 OUT OF 10

i'm still here (2010)

when joaquin phoenix announced that he was going to retire from acting, i was pretty fucking shocked. then again, i think everyone was but i was one of the few who believed that it wasn't a joke. sadly, it was. i'm still here documents his year as an aspiring rapper. there was a lot of moments that you could tell it was a fake. i won't spoil it for everyone. overall, i really enjoyed this film. some moments were kind of disgusting but it made you laugh. you can rent it on itunes for 6 bucks.

6.5 OUT OF 10

you don't know jack (2010)

you don't know jack is an hbo movie about dr. jack kevorkian. oh jack, what a cool old fella. if you don't know him he was famous for assisting suicides for patients that were willing to die because they were in so much pain and they were just a waste of space. is that mean? i think i went to far on that one. anyway jack was played by al pacino and he was great as usual. most of the movie shows him on trial for what he did. apparently he assisted 130 patients. it was a pretty sad movie cause there was some people you just felt bad for. this one guy could barely move a muscle and it took him ages to talk in a sentence. overall this movie was pretty interesting. if you have hbo, check it out.

6 OUT OF 10

inception (2010)

i dont know where to start about this film. first off, it was good. not amazing. my opinion is incredibly biased just because i cannot stand leonardo and ellen page. fucking hell why would you get those two in one film? the story is far too complex for me to write out but if you see it, you really have to pay attention to what is going on. i feel like christopher nolan is turning into david fincher. hes making big budget films with overrated actors. im getting sick of that. they really don't do anything for me.

5 OUT OF 10

predators (2010)

on friday, i walked into the theater with no idea what the movie was about. never watched the trailer. never seen any of the predator films etc. but this was sooo good. it starts off with adrien brody (the guy with the big nose from the pianist and king kong) in the sky free falling into a jungle. then more random people drop in confused as fuck of what is going on. pretty soon they realize theyre trapped on a different planet and they are tested by being attacked by predators and weird looking creatures. its a lot like "the most dangerous game".

not once was the film boring. the storyline was really good the music was not distracting at all. even the acting was very good especially TOPHER GRACE. i hate most big budget action films but this one was great.


8 OUT OF 10

hot tub time machine (2010)

it is not very funny. the dvd said it was better than the hangover. it WAS NOT. what a shit way to advertise a film. that would be like the hangover saying ITS BETTER THAN THE SHAW SHANK REDEMPTION.

3 OUT OF 10